A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
