What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
