I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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