Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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