Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
