We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize