help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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