dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
