no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
it hurts more in the daytime
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
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