I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
