I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
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