Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I just gargled with NyQuil
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
