I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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