Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
