I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
