She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize