Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
