it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Randomize
