I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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