I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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