I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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