I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
