you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
