This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize