oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
