you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
