Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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