you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize