I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
