I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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