i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
