I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You need Xanax blowdarts
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
