So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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