I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I feel great
I just peed on a car
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
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