saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
