onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
