Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
