so that wasnt chicken after all
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
