Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
