Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
