as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
