So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
We need to get me chipped asap
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
