I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
