Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
