My room smells like vodka and shame
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize