No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
