One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
