he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
