you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
