dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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