all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Who did Billy Mays play for?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize