i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
