clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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