dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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