can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
zippers are such a cool invention
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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