There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
