worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Randomize
