I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
