she looked like the bat from fern gully.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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