he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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