flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
