dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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