Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
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