Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
