forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
