When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
