Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
