Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
