I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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