FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
