Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
