shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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