At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
