What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
