how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
