remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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