I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
