just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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