Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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