The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
