if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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