Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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