You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
