Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
