Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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