there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
This house was built for laser tag.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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