Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
