Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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