it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
