I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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