I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
