I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
