My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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